


Free Fall

by sidewinder



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related: Cold, Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Casey's not sure where she's going next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobus (asoldandtrueasthesky)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoldandtrueasthesky/gifts).



To Casey it felt as though the ground had been pulled out from beneath her. She was floating—no, more like falling—with no idea when and where she would land.

Olivia was all she had to cling to and yet even that grasp seemed tenuous and frayed.

Too much had happened, too much had changed. The squad— _her_ squad, as she'd come to view it for the past five years—was falling apart. Lake was in jail, Fin believed himself betrayed by everyone except John, and John looked like he wanted to murder Elliot any occasion they were in the same room.

And Casey was suspended from practicing law. "Indefinitely," they said, for now. Which could mean forever, she knew.

So she found herself at an age where she should be making plans to advance her career, suddenly wondering how on Earth to she was supposed to start over again. How could she do that, when the law had been her love and her life for so long?

Her love, besides Olivia, of course.

"We'll get through this together," Olivia said, hugging Casey as she expressed her doubts and fears in the middle of the night.

Casey wanted to believe that they would. But she still felt as though she were falling.

* * *

The next weekend they were trying to relax at Sunday brunch. Casey was still debating her options and felt only more at disarray, not less.

But she was determined to move forward, somehow. "I can't just sit around the house and mope. I need to find something to do with myself but I'm at my wit's end as to what."

"There are lots of things you're qualified for, Casey. Who wouldn't hire someone with a law degree from Harvard? What about…public relations or HR for one of the many corporations here in New York?"

"Yes, I'm sure they'd love to have a disgraced ADA as the face of their public relations campaign…especially one who used to prosecute white collar criminals."

"What about…advocacy, for a non-profit or other such organization?" Olivia tried again. "After everything you've seen with Special Victims, I'm sure you could speak passionately for any number of groups: rape victims, LGBT kids…war veterans who have been subjected to testing against their will or lacking in mental health care when they get home from the war."

Casey nodded. Those were all valid suggestions, she knew. Olivia was trying her best to be helpful, optimistic, like she always was. "Maybe I'll put in a call to a headhunter tomorrow morning, see if anything along those lines is available."

"Good." Olivia picked at the last bits of the Mexican omelette, and Casey knew there was something else on her mind. "You know, for a change of approach, here…we've talked about starting a family before. Maybe this is finally the time?"

"You mean because I can play housewife and mommy twenty-four-seven until I'm bored out of my skull and drinking margaritas before lunch."

"And that's different from what we're doing now because…" Olivia teased, eyeing up their brunch cocktails. Her smile didn't last for long, however. "I am serious, Casey. We could look into adopting overseas given the trouble we had trying to get into the foster-adopt system with our work schedules...among other reasons. Or we could look more seriously into finding a donor, if…"

"…if I'm willing to spend nine months as a baby incubator." Casey _did_ want a child, but she hadn't ever really wanted to deal with the pregnancy aspect of it all. Adopting seemed so much neater, simpler, better when there were kids out there already needing a home...but then that hadn't proven to be the case. At least not the "simpler" bit. And she hadn't planned on falling in love with someone who didn't want her own genetic half of the equation passed on the way Olivia didn't because of her father's past and her mother's alcoholism. "We don't even know if I could get pregnant at my age, without assisted technology," Casey argued. "And the cost if we had to use donor eggs…something I'm not even sure I'm comfortable with…"

"Lots of women get pregnant with no problem in their early forties. But if you don't want to go through that…"

"I'll think about it," she said, and she would. For Olivia. Even so, her life was going through enough changes currently. Adding becoming a mother to the mix? Now didn't seem like the best time to do it.

But maybe Olivia was right, maybe they shouldn't—or couldn't—realistically wait that much longer.

* * *

Another week passed, but Casey had stopped moping. Moping never suited her; she preferred to get on with things and when the shock had worn off, she put all of her efforts into moving forward.

It was eight o'clock and Casey looked up with a smile from the kitchen when she heard the front door to their apartment open.

"Hey, Liv," she called.

"Casey." They shared a quick hug as Olivia came in the kitchen to join her. Olivia noticed the bottle of better-than-average red wine out on the counter breathing, two of their best wine glasses ready for service. "Something to celebrate tonight?" she asked.

"Yep. I got a call for a second interview tomorrow."

"That's great!"

"It is." Casey poured their glasses, handed one to Liv. They clinked and both took a sip. "I have a positive feeling about this one. It's the Chief Operating Officer position for Sanctuary House Charities."

"That's the one working with trafficked and exploited children?"

She nodded. "In need of a caring home, counseling, language education and school placement or job opportunities. They focus especially on kids and teenagers coming from Central and South America. It's important work and the people seem intensely committed. And _my_ intensity didn't scare _them_ off," Casey added with a laugh, and took another sip of her wine. "They've seen enough of the good things I managed to do for children while ADA to overlook any…indiscretions in ethics that cost me my license."

"I'm glad, Casey. I really am."

"You're sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You know, the talk we had the other day about babies…Olivia, I'm just not sure I'm…."

_Ready? Cut out for motherhood?_

Olivia didn't make her finish the thought either way. "Casey, it's fine. I understand. We'll get there when the moment is right. I didn't want you to feel pressured about that especially with all the other stress you're dealing with at the moment."

"You and me both. So how are things at the precinct?"

"Close to Cold War status. We've got some temporary reassignments from Staten Island SVU to help with the load currently, taking on some of Lake's open cases. And it's not a help that John and Fin are using some vacation days next week; John wants to try to talk Fin into not transferring out, but…" Olivia sighed. "It's chaotic. I hate feeling torn between my partner and two of my best friends over this."

"Things haven't been easy for either of us lately." Casey put her hand on Olivia's shoulder and squeezed gently. "But we'll all pull through. I know we will."

"Well, right now I want to get out of these work clothes and get more comfortable. That is, I'm assuming we're staying in tonight, what with the wine…and something smells amazing."

"It's my grandmother's recipe for _Chicken Kotleti_ —sort of the poor man's Chicken Kiev. I've been keeping it warm in the oven until you got home."

"Sounds wonderful. I'm starving." Olivia left the kitchen for the bedroom to get changed. Casey smiled and got back to work on the salad to serve with dinner.

Maybe she'd stopped falling at last, the parachute opening at the final moment to save her from the descent. She hoped that would prove to be the case, so she could be there for her partner in life as much as Olivia was always there for her. Together they would build their future, whether only for the two of them or, someday, for more.

But they would take getting there one step at a time.

 


End file.
